|FACT: You look 80% more contemplative |
when wearing glasses. (Me on my birthday)
I just turned 31 and I've got to say that it was a bit harder than turning 30. Age feels like a crippling number in our society. Hit a certain number and BOOM! You're expired. Off the shelf. Not a contender. But it's not just the number that's bothering me.
I'm a very introspective person. Like many, I am my worst enemy and my harshest critic. I had my first “midlife” (tenth-life?) crisis when I turned 10. I berated myself endlessly because I had lived a whole decade (ten infinitely long years) and had absolutely nothing to show for it. Absolutely nothing.
But I digress . . .
Just after the new year, someone asked about my new year's resolutions. I said that in 2014 I want to hate myself less. She laughed. I laughed. But it was true.
I'm all about process improvement. I'm working towards being a person I can be proud of. I am a work in progress and some days we make more progress than others.
Many people wish “a happy birthday,” but beyond the general fun birthday happiness of cake and parties I thought about what “wishes” I would like for myself in the next year. I gotta say, wish I could buy this stuff on Amazon Prime.
Here are some “wishes” and general ponderings for myself in my 31st year.
I want to have the passion of the heart not to give up so easily when things get tough.
I want to face “failure” and not flinch. I want “failure” to be something that I don't give a crap about.
On that note … I want to give myself permission to fail. Permission to suck. Permission to start at the bottom … because I know that I will get better.
|In addition to introspection, cake happened!|
I want to go for the “big” goals. I want to chase after something really amazing and go forward despite the fear.
I want to be less afraid. And where there is fear, I want to Do The Stuff despite the fear.
The unknown is never going to completely go away. I can't wait for everything to be totally clear before I do something.
I want the courage to speak what's on my mind … and then the thoughtfulness to speak in a way that people will understand.
I want to be someone that after I'm dead people will remember me for more than just fart jokes or purple hair.
Not everyone is going to be a fan and that's ok. I can't please everyone – and really? There are a few people out there that I really don't want to make happy.
More often than not, I want laziness to be a condiment - not the main dish - of my days.
|Birthday roses from my husband.|
Hey, it's ok to write something contemplative and melancholy (like this post). Life isn't all fart jokes and unicorns.
Don't give headspace to jerks. They don't deserve that much screentime.
I give myself permission to return books to the library without having read them. Let go of the things that make you feel trapped in obligation.
Anyway. Those are just a few of the things rattling around in my head this year, but never fear! All of this contemplative introspection and occasional self-loathing came with traditional birthday “wishes” like blueberry lemon cake and roses from my husband.