We Regret To Inform You

"We regret to inform you . . ."

That is one of the most alarming phrases in the English language. This phrase is often followed by such news as:

"the cancer in patient 187354 has spread." (You're reduced to a number? Oh, and you're doomed.)

"you have not been selected to fill the position of candy tester." (What?! I really wanted that job.)

"your position has been downsized. You have 30 days to find another position with the company." (Man, that came right on the heels of the candy store let down. )

But, honestly, do they truly regret to inform you? It doesn't mean that they are sorry it has happened to you. It just means they are sorry they had to be the one to tell you. So, you know. Good luck with that and all.

We regret to inform you that this has been a test. I repeat, this is a test. If this had been an actual blogpost I would have put a little more effort into being creative. Please remain calm.